short but sick

This will have to be quick because I am supposed to be resting. My body is making it very clear to me that even sitting up to type is kind of pushing it right now.

But this isn't meant to be a pity post. No no, its exactly about how the Internet can deceive you, or more accurately, allow you to deceive yourself.

Take my sickness for instance. I called sick into work today for the first time at my job, and they guilt-tripped me a little bit but eventually gave in. As a result I spent a chunk of today debating whether I really needed this time off. Jen reminded me that I needed to rest but I continued the debate in my mind as I surfed the Internet.

The point is that I continued to surf for hours. All the while I kept feeling worse, but not enough to make me feel like I deserved the night off.

It wasn't until I literally had nothing left to surf, when I actually lied down. It wasn't until I fell asleep during the time that I normally would be working that I actually got some rest. It wasn't until I woke up from rich dreams with the cat on my chest did I feel that, YES, this is exactly what I needed, this is exactly why I didn't go to work.

Lately I've been discovering more and more that the Internet can really keep you from doing those little important things. How?

By allowing you to do nothing endlessly. Since its all just time-wasting you can tell yourself that checking Facebook AGAIN really is resting, as I did today. You can tell yourself that reading news stories endlessly really is work, which is exactly how I wasted my days between Sept.-Jan.

It was until my laptop broke that I started reading literature again. It wasn't until I was off the 'net that I started filling up notebooks with ideas, with solid rough-draft writing.

My month-long Internet vacation was the best thing to ever happen to this book. In those five months in the fall I maybe wrote half of a very rough chapter that I was never happy with. In this past month, featuring those three internetless weeks, I have hammered out two long, good, chapters.

Clearly I have the Internet again now and today shows I am not over my addiction yet. But after I finish this chapter in the next week I think I will go back to some internet-free days to try to engage my creativity again.

Of course if I fail you'll be the first to know. For now I have turn off this damned box, lie down, and get back to reading Midnight's Children.