{first day}

Yesterday was my first day as a canvaser, fundraising on the street for the redcross. I went into the job with mixed feelings because I'd always been vaugely annoyed by the slight sense of guilt I'd feel when I would fundraisers on the street. Yet after hearing about how much some of my friends loved the job, thinking about how much I enjoyed working with people outside for companies that I believe in, and considering my financial situation I decided to give the job a try.

I knew the job could be somewhat painful at times, dealing with so much polite rejection, but I was sure it wouldn't be anything too bad. I went into my first day of work determined to stay positive, to be fueled by whatever little victories I could manage, hell I even brought a book of my favourite comics to cheer me up during break time. I was also helped by the fact I wasn't alone: two other girls were also on their first shifts as canvassers and they were just as prepared (aka midly nervous) as I was.

I started the shift off ready to help make the world a better place, keeping a friendly smile on my face (I did not speak in rhymes though because that would have made me a disgrace). The day slowly wore me down. Hours went by without a single person stopping, but I reminded myself it was just a matter of time. The first few who did stop had angry words for me ( and they really had every right to be angry) but I felt like I handled it well. I saw one of the new girls getting her first person to sign up, and I reminded myself that meant my turn would be soon. Lunch arrived with only one person having stoped to talk to me, but all they said was: 'pure class. either you have it or you don't'.

to which my response was: '?!??!'.

At this point I could feel some worry creeping in, but I pressed on. I even got some people to stop and talk to me, but they all walked away unconvinced. At the end of the day the other girls handed in all of their filled sing-up sheets, and phone follow up sheets, while I handed in my empty binder.

I honestly would have been willing to stand on that corner for another 6 hours just to get one single person to sign up.

Instead I made my way home. In the car I was torn: I had been saving the we're marching on... EP for the drive as a sort of prize to myself for a job well done, and so I hesitated and considered throwing in a sad cd.I stopped and reminded myself that the only thing that could make this day worse was if I let it break my spirit completly, and with that I put on the 'arg! umph! ahhh!' EP by W.A.M.O.

The CD slowly worked on me, starting with some thumb tapping and humming along. Eventually I was singing even though I really didn't know the words. By the fourth song I felt like my heart was being put back together piece by piece. This song, 'anthem (futz'd)', is a slow building epic that, by the 6:30-minute-mark, had me singing at the top of my lungs and banging on the steering wheel.

And so as a way of getting myself to stop being so darned shy I started this blog. And the first thing I want to share with you is this song.





we're marching on...- anthem(futz'd)



(vist WAMO's myspace if only because whenever I see Tim from WAMO he calls me 'Gerry' (even thought he knows its not my name) because he saw it on my t-shirt. true class)





{This great car ride home was followed up by a great dinner with someone<3 and then a great movie (pan's labyrinth) all of which has helped me keep smilin'}