I blame you

When was the last time you ever told me that I am wasting my time?

When have you ever reminded me of my teeny-tiny odds of success with this book?

When have you ever made me doubt myself?

The answer to these questions is a resounding 'never', which most of me is thankful for.

The other part of me remembers a conversation I had last year:

it was my final placement of Teacher's College. It was the first time I was working with a teacher that I chose. She was a teacher I respected, the sort of teacher that students will remember years from now, the sort of teacher who pushes all her students to be better.

One day I mentioned in conversation with her that I plan on starting my career by teaching part-time while using the rest of my time to write my novel. 

So she began to question me : what is the book is about (I'll post about that soon enough)? Will I be fine with the reality of part-time teaching (less money with just as much work/time)? Will Jen and I be able to survive with a limited income?  

I answered as best as I could, and I think she got the sense I was serious about my plan. Then she asked me something that is still on my mind today, nearly a year after:

Do you have anyone who doubts you?

I answered no, that everyone in my life was pretty supportive. She shook her head. She said that maybe it's just her, but that she hasn't reached any major life goals without the motivation of being able to prove someone wrong. She told me that her best friends knew this, and that they would purposley doubt her as hard as they could just to keep her working hard, and that she appreciated that.

These days I tutor nights and write during the days, and I am making steady progress on my novel. But I still have no doubters. Sure my parents put a little pressure on me to find full-time work, but they also seem genuinley excited when I say my writing is going well.

Do I wish I had more haters in my life?

Maybe. My dad occaisonally is a doubter, and I am starting to appreciate it. For instance, he seems to doubt that I'll stick with this new 'novel' blog.

Now everytime I hit Publish Post on this blog I'll get a little satisfaction, a little voice in my head saying 'take THAT dad!'.

Is this a good thing, or do I have Freudian daddy issues? Or a little bit of both?

You decide, and please, hit me with some hate in the comments.